The discontinuity of expectations

I was born in the early 1990s. I have been married for almost five years now, and I have seen many friends and cousins getting married. They are all happy irrespective of the kind of marriage — love or arranged, but one thing I have observed is a distinct problem, not the mother-in-law acting like a selfish jerk kind of generations-old problem, but the philosophical dissonance in the girl’s mind kind of problem.

Since we are little girls, we are taught to be independent, to study, to be excellent, to make sure our name stands for something and to make our parents proud. The moment we marry, the identity of “her” no longer exists. Now, this used to happen to the brides 30–40 years ago as well, but it was not a big problem at that time — most of the indian girls were not given independence and equal education as their male counterparts, so they never expected it after marriage as well. In other words, they had already managed expectations. They were raised to expect that everything would change the moment they marry. They learnt everything that will enable them to welcome this change with open arms. They used to look forward to that day when their prince charming and his family will come, and she will become a part of their family forever. On the other hand, I remember I was specifically taught not to think about anything that would waste my time — be it boys or talking to not up-to-any-good friends or any feeling that comes up when you see your crush — anything and everything that might affect my studies was not entertained.